


Doubt

by QueenEchidna



Series: Believe it or not Mercenaries have Feelings Too [3]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, helmet party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 21:06:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenEchidna/pseuds/QueenEchidna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He supposed it wasn’t worth dwelling on, because Soldier was right; what they do is what they do, and nothing is going to change that and there’s nothing any of them could say.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy the read, it's not too long and began as something different, but I mostly just rolled with it. I hope it turned out alright in your eyes my beloved reader. ^^

There wasn’t any kind of influx in the robot enemies they were fighting, no real change in what each of them did, but there was one thing that sparked something within the blue-clad Engineer. Fear and anger boiled up in his stomach, clawing at whatever security he held against the robotic menaces; from his place on a platform where a Dispenser was finally set up the correct way, Engineer inwardly gasped after hearing the familiar, but slightly off beeping of a sentry. He hadn’t set up a sentry yet, and that worried him.

Cautiously he stepped up to the edge of the platform he was stationed on, looking out and over into the chaos below. Across the way, a shocking sight greeted him in the form of a metallic, riveted robot unlike the ones he had been so used to; a robot…Engineer?

His pulse stopped and quickened in the span of 3 seconds, “What in tarnation…?” Engie shifted his hardhat and stepped back beside his dispenser, leaning against it for needed support. About that time Medic found his way up to the Texan, looking exhausted and covered in blood; Engineer guessed Heavy had gotten blown to bits in front of him, wouldn’t be the first time. He took notice of the very confused and lost looking Engineer and lowered his Syringe gun for a moment in favor of placing a hand on the other’s shoulder. The contact startled Engineer out of his stupor and he shot a gaze at the German through his goggles. 

“Engineer… _was ist los?_ ” All he received in response was that shocked expression and a motion towards the edge of the platform. Medic eyed the area suspiciously and eventually made his way over to the edge, immediately pulling himself back only to share a similar look Engineer was still holding. “ _Scheiße!_ ” He pressed his back against the dispenser for a moment. “Vhen the hell did zey get a robot Engineer?” The familiar sound of a Minigun revving nearby gave Medic his determination again, and he ran over to the steps and called over the noise of the battle. “Heavy _jetzt herkommt!_ ” 

Within moments the hulking Russian was up with the two other men, mumbling something of an apology to Medic for having died. “Vhen did zey get a robot Engineer, Heavy? You vent vith the others last night to zeir base; vhen vere any of you going to tell us about zis?” The German wasn’t exactly angry, but he was just startled and confused enough to resort to shouting. Heavy immediately looked guilty and rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding eye-contact with his slightly shorter compatriot. 

“Miss Pauling said not to talking about new robot.” The Russian managed out, taking a look over the ledge as well just in time to see Scout get blown to bits by the sentry, set up by said robot Engie. “I was not to thinking it would be out this soon.” His voice dipped an octave lower and he sighed, finally turning his indigo-colored eyes towards the narrowed blue ones of his Medic. 

The German sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and turned back towards the Engineer still standing a bit out of it by his dispenser, “Engineer, find ze damned Spy and get him to get rid of zat thing, so zat me und Heavy can pass without problems!” His voice was loud and demanding even against the loud background noise of the battle, and he proceeded to nudge Heavy back down the stairs. 

About that time Soldier was the unfortunate victim of the human Demoman’s stray sticky-bomb placement, and was launched from the path of the oncoming robots; he somehow managed to land against the back fence of the raised platform near Engineer, who had kicked open his toolbox to begin the assembly of a sentry. “Hm?” The Texan shot his head back towards the thudding noises behind him, wrench and a few shreds of refined metal in hand. 

“Goddamn…fucking maggots, no-good recruits, always…crap-!” Soldier fell onto his side, injured and exhausted, his helmet tumbled off his head, and stopped a foot or so away. Engineer was by his side in a heartbeat, grabbing the taller man by the shoulders and dragging him back towards the functioning dispenser. As the healing fumes lashed out to cradle the injured American’s body, Engie stayed kneeled by his side and was right there when Soldier came-to with a start and sat forward so fast he bumped heads with the Texan. “Ngh-!” 

He was about to start cursing when he noticed just who it was he had collided with, and instantly digressed. “Uhm, my fault Engie.” He took note of the blood splatter just a few feet away where his rocket launcher and helmet sat, obviously from where he’d collided with the ground. “Thanks recruit.” Soldier rubbed his sore head and took Engineer’s helping hand to stand up. He eagerly retrieved his helmet, replacing it on his head to self-consciously mask the greater part of his features; also he grabbed his rocket launcher and pulled out some rocket ammo to load it. 

“Soldier,” Engineer took a step towards the other, “When the hell did Gray build a robot me? A robot Engineer? You have ta’ know, you were in the robots’ headquarters!” He sounded _almost_ angry, but just as Medic had managed, just sounded concerned and confused. Seeing as how his friend wasn’t going to respond, the Texan ran a hand over his thin blonde hair and under his helmet. “Fine then, don’t tell me…just, go out there and blow it the hell up!” He succeeded in throwing a small grin at Soldier before he nudged the other American back towards the stairway down to the fight. 

Once back, surrounded by the almost comforting sound of gunfire and explosions, Soldier couldn’t push an overwhelming sense of guilt out of his head. He was immensely grateful when that particular wave ended, and he pushed his back against a nearby wall for a moment’s rest before heading in. There were a few bullets stuck in his shoulder and chest, and judging by the slips of blood that oozed past his lips, one of those said bullets had punctured a lung; that would be painful later on under Medic’s _“skillful”_ hand. Through the multiple stinging bullet wounds blurring his vision, Soldier noticed Engineer across the way, trudging down the stairs with two oversized toolboxes; he had been lucky enough to not have many incidents with his sentries, so there was a lot to salvage. 

The general still felt terrible, and not just from the bullets in his chest; he pushed himself off the wall to head over to the other, wiping most of the blood off his lips. He didn’t bother with consent and he grabbed the toolbox most accessible to him, and had the other yanked out of reach. “What are ya’ doing? I can carry ma’ own toolboxes Solly.” Engineer reached for the blue box only to have Soldier heft it up onto his shoulder. It made him feel better, watching a smirk light up the Texan’s face, trying to retrieve his toolbox which was lifted out of his reach. But then he stopped, and straightened out a bit, “Soldier are you okay, partner? You’re bleedin’…” 

“Prior knowledge recruit. Tagged in the lung, nothing I can’t deal with.” The general smirked, trying to reassure his friend; the gesture seemed to work when Engineer visually de-tensed but didn’t actually stop being concerned. They walked for a minute or so back towards the personal quarters before Soldier worked up his nerves enough to talk past his injuries. 

“I should have told you about the robot, regardless of what Miss Pauling said.” He mumbled out, his fingers distracted themselves by tapping on the hard, metal surface of the toolbox under his hand. Engineer turned to look at him with an unreadable gaze, shifting his shoulders a bit. “I’m sorry…” 

“Nothin’ to apologize for partner,” The Texan smiled and offhandedly elbowed his friend. “Can’t go against Miss Pauling, son.” He chuckled; a low, contagious sound that had Soldier smiling like a moron. After he digressed and his laughing died out, Engie turned again to his compatriot. “But honestly Solly, there ain’t anything to apologize for. I was just…just a bit freaked out is all. I guess I finally understand how ya’ll feel; seein’ robot _you’s_ all the time.” He rubbed the back of his neck and jostled to toolbox just a bit, recalling vividly the sight of a robot Engineer a mere few yards from him, doing _his_ job, and taking _his_ image, and using _his_ sentry schematics; it made Engineer angry, and confused, and goddamn annoyed all at the same time. He wondered for a long moment if that’s how his team felt, every day during the seemingly endless fighting against those damn robots; having to see the robot equivalences of them, kill them, and then repeat the process over and over for hours.

Engineer already knew how hard it was for some of them; hell even Engie had felt some twinge in his heart every time he killed one of the Pyro-bots, regardless of the fact it kept him from being burned to a crisp. “It’s an odd thing isn’t it? I wish the process could have been less sudden for you. At least the rest of us knew we would be heading into battle with robot versions of us, except for you. For that I apologize.” Engineer did a double-take, not used to hearing his usually loud, overbearing friend sound almost as soft-spoken as him. He couldn’t manage to respond to that, all he could do was silently acknowledge the truth of the statement.

Nearing the entrance to their base, there was a bit of laughter followed by the oddly familiar sound of a intermediate explosion; Engineer and Soldier glanced at one-another, then back to the small plume of smoke rising from the doorway. 

**”Oi’m gonna rip ya’ ta’ shreds you bloody wanker!”**

A moment later Demoman stumbled from the door and took a moment to look back, only to turn and sprint towards the rear of the base. Engie and Soldier watched as Sniper came barreling after him, blood splattered over his clothing and a good chunk missing from his side and bleeding profusely. “Aye lad; if was an accident, I swear on me mothers grave!” the Scott shouted in return, scrambling up to a second story balcony. Sniper followed right after him, his kukri and…strangely, Scout’s Scattergun in both hands. 

“Alrighty then…” Engineer mumbled, holding back an amused smile as he saw the two disappear, still shouting; he stepped forward again, taking a look through the doorway the fleeting parties came from. “Damn,” Inside a conscious but severely injured Scout looked up to the older team members but looked away to cough up a mix of blood and saliva. “Scout what in tarnation happened?” Engie asked worriedly, kneeling down by his side. The Bostonian shrugged and coughed again, throwing a cocky smirk at the older man.

“Fucking Demo is a drunk motherfucker…that’s what fucking h-happened.” He recoiled at the weak sound of his own voice and tried to push himself up, only for his only remaining arm to give out and he slumped back against the wall. 

Engineer took a look around then at the suffering youth by his side; he leaned back and whispered to Soldier, “Respawn will still pick him up now right?” Soldier moved his sleeve a bit to reveal his large waterproof watch.

“Yeah it’s only 5:30.” He returned his sleeve to its former position and crossed his arm over his chest, not quite comprehending why the Texan cared so damn much instead of just letting the kid pass out. There was a rustling and a weight was lifted from Soldier’s belt, and then there was a loud bang and the sound of Engineer sighing. 

The mechanic stood up, still holding onto Soldier’s shotgun, and he wiped a bit of Scout’s blood from his arms. “I hate havin’ to do that.” He grabbed hold of his toolbox again, beginning back into the base he ground his teeth together, trying to ignore his growing headache. 

A nagging worry clipped the heel of Soldier’s mind as he ran to catch up with his shorter friend. “You alright recruit?” His voice was quiet and held a worried tone; he placed a caring hand on Engie’s shoulder only to get pushed away. A bit of instinctive anger boiled in the pit of his stomach but the general kept it under wraps in favor of concern for his favorite team mate. He followed the mechanic silently through the halls until they reached his workshop, where Engineer turned and grabbed his other toolbox from Soldier and walked into the brightly lit workroom. Uniform and protocol-obedient as ever, Soldier waited in the doorway instead of intruding upon the mechanic’s personal space, back held board-straight out of habit. 

“You can leave now Soldier, thanks for the help.” Engineer snapped, his voice short and tempered and lacking the typical successful-day jubilance he normally held. He realized how angry he sounded, and would have preferred he had turned and apologized right then, but he didn’t. 

Soldier didn’t flinch at the harsh tone, but he didn’t exactly understand what was wrong, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to find out. Boldly, he stepped in and shut the door behind him and found his way over to where Engineer was putting away his tools; his hands found their way to the mechanic’s shoulders and rested there lightly. “I said you could leave partner.” Engineer mumbled in an exasperated tone, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Can’t do that recruit, not until you tell me what the hell is wrong.” Soldier pressed the topic, squeezing the other’s shoulders tighter. He noticed how tense Engineer was, uncommon in general behavior regarding the Texan; he flipped the other around to look at him directly. Engineer’s gaze fell down to the right, looking at nothing specifically. 

“It’s nothin’.” He murmured, trying to pull away from the taller man’s grip, only to triumphantly fail.

“Engie,” Soldier edged on again, releasing his shoulders in favor of putting a finger under his chin to lift the mechanic’s head up. “What’s wrong?” No answer for about 30 seconds. “Was it the incident with Scout…the robot Engineer?” Soldier attempted in vain to get some reaction out of his friend, and surprisingly he did when Engie pushed him away and turned his back again; better than nothing, he supposed. 

There was the lingering fall of silence over the two mercenaries, Soldier waited patiently for Engineer to collect himself. Said mechanic fixed his helmet and pulled his goggles down around his neck, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the harsh light; one hand went up to grip the opposite arm and he let out a long sigh. “It’s just everything partner…things ain’t as simple as they used to be, and damn-it all-!” His voice got loud rather quickly and his shoulders tensed, but he calmed himself a bit, turning back about halfway to look at the general. “Erm…You’re still bleedin’ partner,” He eagerly changed the subject, and took hold of Soldier’s uninjured arm and began to pull him from the room.

“No, no, Engie,” Soldier used his size advantage to careen Engineer away from the door and back over to one of his many workbenches where he trapped the Texan so he could not leave. Before Engineer had a time to complain the general shifted forward to place a loving kiss on his thinned-out lips; he brought both his hands up and ran his thumbs gently over the other’s face, feeling every worry line, scratch, and piece of grit from the day.

“Now,” Soldier said after pulling back, “Are you going to talk about what the hell is bothering you, or not.” He lowered his hands and stepped back just a bit, offering the other mercenary his personal space. Engineer looked down again, the faintest hint of red snuck onto his pale cheeks. His head hurt and he was still sore from the day, and in all honesty, he didn’t want to talk to anyone; but some nagging voice in the back of his aching skull told him Soldier wouldn’t leave until he did so. 

The Texan offhandedly flicked a strap on his friend’s helmet and sighed again, “Do you ever wonder…why we have to do this?” He seemed to get antsy and shifted in his boots. “Cos’ I do, and I’m tired of thinking about it…ya’ll are my friends…my family in a way.” Another sigh and he seemed to relax; he shifted forward languidly and rested his head, mostly just his helmet, against Soldier’s chest. “I don’t want ta’ see ya’ll die in front of me anymore…not when I can’t do anything about it, and certainly not when there’s a robot version of me out there killin’ ya’ll…might as well be killin’ ya’ myself.” His shoulders twitched in the slightest and he crossed his arms defensively in front of himself.

Soldier sighed quietly in relief, thanking whatever omnipotent power the government currently had him believing in that Engineer was not in some kind of mortal danger as he had foreseen, it didn’t stop him from worrying about the Texan of course, however a little bit of emotional turmoil he could help with. He wrapped his arms around the shorter man, resting them over his shoulders, “There’s nothing any of us can do about it recruit.” Soldier rubbed small circles over his back comfortingly, “But we’re all okay. We do what we’re paid to do, and we’re paid a whole helluva lot.” He let out a quick, hardy laugh, smiling when Engie let out a weak chuckle as well. “It’s okay to hate this crap; no one ever said we had to like it.” 

There was a pause, “Yeah,” Came the mumbled reply as a small smile lit up Engineer’s face again. A knock at the door drew both their attentions as it opened to reveal Scout, looking considerably better than he had before; he looked oddly solemn and didn’t make some snide remark the moment he entered. 

“So helmet heads, are ya’ gonna come up and celebrate or not? Heavy’s already downed half a case!” He smirked and turned his back again, pausing only for a moment in the doorway. The look on his face was much less Scout-like than normal, “And Engie…thanks for earlier. I did _not_ want to have to bleed out.” He chuckled just a bit and jumped through the door and back towards the stairwell.

“Heheh, we’ll be right up kid.” Engineer shouted after him; seeing the Bostonian back and jumping around helped with his doubt, with the troubling thoughts. He was alright, and so was everyone else. “Alrighty, guess we better get upstairs.” He shifted his helmet and pulled away from the taller American, but kept an arm around him. 

“Go tend to the family?” Soldier poked fun, a snarky smirk covered his face as Engineer mock-punched his uninjured arm, trudging out the door with the other. He supposed it wasn’t worth dwelling on, because Soldier was right; what they do is what they do, and nothing is going to change that and there’s nothing any of them could say. 

And yes, Engie couldn’t keep the ever lingering emotional trauma away from the back of his mind, in fact it was almost always a constant reminder of just why he was fighting; but with his arm around Soldier and a team of healthy and _mostly_ alright mercenaries upstairs waiting to celebrate, things seemed okay.  
Soldier leaned down before they met up with the rest of the team, giving the Texan a quick kiss before Demoman flung open the door to greet them with a big grin and a 6-pack of beer. 

Maybe even a little better.


End file.
